All siblings have moments when they do not get along and display signs of jealousy. This is a normal part of their relationship. It is called sibling rivalry and although distressing to parents, it has positive benefits to a child’s development.
Emotion
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Statement
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Accept all feelings but not all behaviour children display.
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“It’s okay to feel jealous, but it is not okay to hurt.”
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Listen to your children without judging.
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“You sound frustrated.”
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Teach children to problem solve and find solutions.
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“How do you think you could work this out?” or “Try saying, may I…”
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Make clear, reasonable rules and involve children in the making of family rules.
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“Toys are picked up after we play” or “What was the rule for choosing a book”
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Value each child’s individuality. Do not compare children. They may feel pressured or inadequate.
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“ I like the colours you chose for your rainbow” or “Dancing makes you so happy.”
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Be a good role model. Remember, children copy what they see.
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“Lets take 10 minutes to calm down, then we will talk.”
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Help children to recognize the feelings of others.
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“How do you think your brother/sister is feeling?”
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Let your children know when they are getting along well.
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“You kids look like you are having so much fun playing together.”
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Do something special with each child regularly.
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“I’m glad we have this special time together.”
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Encourage children to respect each other, co-operate and participate in activities together.
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“I think building a fort together sounds like fun.”
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Emotion
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Statement
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Show children how to co-operate with each other by setting the rules together.
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“Lets take turns” or “Please ask first before you borrow my book.”
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Let children try to work it out on their own, if appropriate. Young toddlers may need your guidance.
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Show a young child how to trade for another toy. “Can we trade?” or “Let’s take turns.”
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Step in only when there is a danger of someone becoming physically or emotionally hurt.
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“Name calling is not allowed” or “We do not hit. EVER!” “Fighting is not how we solve problems.”
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Teach children how to avoid conflicts, such as leaving the room and having a quiet time.
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“You look like you need to be alone,” “Count to ten” or “Do you need to talk about how you feel?”
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Separate children if necessary. They will learn to think before they act.
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“You can try to play together later but right now you need to be apart.”
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Remind children of the rules your family has set.
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“Respect another person’s feelings” or “Do not hit.”
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Use consequences to deal with unacceptable behaviour. Give children choices.
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“Share the crayons or I will put them away” or “You have a choice, play without fighting or play on your own.”
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Use humour to diffuse the situation.
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“Yelling hurts my ears.”
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Try to stay calm.
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“I see fighting” or “Let’s talk this out.”
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